| Blimey. Was I embarrassed or was I | | | | simply blew the Golf away - the Honda Civic |
| embarrassed. Nipped into my friendly | | | | Type R. The Civic was cheaper than the Golf, |
| neighbourhood Volkswagen dealer last week, | | | | faster than the Golf, had bullet-proof |
| put two and two together and came up with far | | | | reliability and styling that screamed |
| more than four. The salesmen were all | | | | "speed!" The Type R devoured every |
| smiles, jovial and ever-so-friendly. Well, | | | | performance car award going and continued |
| with the world in the state that it is, I | | | | onwards to head-butting the horizon. However |
| figured there was only one explanation for | | | | Volkswagen regrouped, put the Golf on a |
| this frivolity - drugs. I debated how many | | | | strict diet and training regime, gave it a |
| real salesmen were trapped in the back office | | | | new wardrobe and launched the Mk V GTi in |
| and just how to escape these impostors and | | | | 2005. To put the Elvis analogies to bed, the |
| inform the police. Suddenly one of them | | | | Mk V is the comeback special. Developing |
| pounced and asked if he could help me and | | | | 200bhp from its 2.0 litre turbocharged |
| after looking gormlessly at him, I decided | | | | engine, the GTi develops twice the torque of |
| that in fact these guys were happy because | | | | its great, great granddad the MK I, despite |
| they were just, well happy. Me being the | | | | using no more fuel. A six speed gearbox is |
| idiot that I am, it turns out Volkswagen | | | | offered as is a sequential one to get your |
| dealers only deal one form of drug, the very | | | | gear change time down to milliseconds. Plump |
| real, the very legal adrenaline. And small | | | | for the sequential one however and not only |
| wonder Volkswagen dealers' are smiling ear to | | | | can you achieve 0-60 in 6.9 seconds, but |
| ear, with their current line-up of vehicles, | | | | you'll feel like a Formula One driver with |
| Volkswagen are strongly positioned to become | | | | the flappy paddles behind the steering wheel. |
| the market leader across their range - most | | | | Pull up on the right to change up, up on the |
| notably the dopamine deliverer, the Golf GTi. | | | | left to change down, lo and behold you're |
| Ever since the MK I burst onto the scene in | | | | Lewis Hamilton. Even the steering wheel |
| 1976, engulfed in a cloud of tyre smoke and | | | | itself gets in on the act, with its flat |
| snarling engine, the GTi name has always been | | | | bottom as useable as it is looking good. |
| synonymous with Volkswagen's 'hot hatch', in | | | | Better still is the exterior styling. |
| the same way that 'Stuck in the middle with | | | | Whereas the Mk III and IV were a Golf with a |
| you' by Steelers Wheel is no longer heard as | | | | different badge and no other discernable |
| a catchy pop song, but as the soundtrack to a | | | | features, the latest offering again harks |
| policeman having un-consenting surgery in | | | | back to the golden years. A gaping black |
| Reservoir Dogs - so mighty was its impact | | | | grill greets you at the front, whilst huge |
| things would never be the same again. | | | | exhausts hang proudly out at the rear. Five |
| However as was the case with Elvis, as the | | | | spoke alloy wheels that converge into five |
| king of the road began to gain more and more | | | | half circles finish the aggressive look. Hot |
| accolades and success, the waste-line began | | | | hatches are back in vogue and Volkswagen want |
| to expand and its performance became slower | | | | to shout about it. Bit of trivia for you, the |
| and more laboured. Heritage however counts | | | | word "Golf" doesn't appear anywhere on the |
| for a lot and whenever a Golf was bestowed | | | | car. It's a GTi and nothing else. "Yes, we |
| the fabled 'GTi' badge, buyers clamoured to | | | | had a little bit decaffeinated the GTI," were |
| have one on their driveways. Besides, an | | | | the words of Jörn Hinrichs, Volkswagen's |
| overweight Golf GTi was still streets ahead | | | | marketing head upon the launch of this |
| of its rivals, as was the case with the Mk | | | | masterpiece. Having seen the enthusiasm of |
| III and sales continued apace. However when | | | | Volkswagen dealers now they have such a |
| the Mk IV was launched to lukewarm reviews in | | | | special car on their forecourts, it appears |
| 1999, it seemed the Golf had eaten its last | | | | they've been re-caffeinated too. |
| burger. In fact the Mk IV was only badged | | | | |
| 'GTi' in Britain and was called the | | | | Tim Bristol is an experienced motor |
| 'Trendline' (oh dear) elsewhere. Elvis | | | | journalist currently working to promote |
| Impersonator anyone? To make things far | | | | Heritage Volkswagen a VW dealer located |
| worse, there was a new cat in town which | | | | between Bristol and Southampton. |